The Misadventures of Lieutenant Aubrey Linwood
by Killy-S
Summary: This fic is for Eulalia! & Sgt. Sporky, along with anyone else who enjoys my Fur and Flame fic. I know you have been missing F&F, and I hope this short fic will tide you over until I can get more of it up.  I think the title sums it all up.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**This is a fic for Eulalia, and Sgt. Sporky, along with anyone else who has been wondering about my Fur and Flame Fic. Yes I am still writing it, and yes I will update as soon as I can. **

**In the meantime, here is a short story about one of my favourite F&F characters Aubrey Linwood. **

There was an uncomfortable silence filling the officer's mess at Salamandastron. On any typical day, it would be a hub of activity. Officers could frequently be found socializing over old damson port, a game of cards, or yarning about past battles. It was also a place where important decisions had to be made, critical decisions such as; what to serve at the upcoming haredance and banquet. This day the large room was empty save for three creatures. Colonel Hardan, an old campaigner who was second only to the Badgerlady, had sent every hare on his or her way.

Sat down in a wooden chair, Aubrey Linwood nervously rapped his paws on the pawrests. The Lieutenant was known for his wildly antics. When he was ordered to report to the mess before lunch, Aubrey knew better than to not make an appearance. Discovering the mess to be empty, save for Colonel Hardan and Major Mullins, he knew his latest escapades had landed him in serious trouble.

The Colonel sat in his comfortable armchair across from the Lieutenant. He tapped a pace stick against his leg, seeming to be lost in thought. The Major paced around the unfortunate Aubrey, paws folded behind his back. The Major had a reputation for strictly adhering to mountain protocol, or more plainly being a stick in the mud. Aubrey and a number of the lower ranking officers often wondered if the Major slept in full uniform, medals and all. As always Bernard Mullins wore his neatly pressed rose campaign tunic. Across his broad chest numerous ribbons and medals were pinned. A monocle was fixed to his right eye. Owing to the frequency that he wore it, Aubrey doubted the glass aided in vision.

The Major huffed as he rounded Aubrey a second time. "Well, well, well, stap me whiskers, if it ain't the bold Aubrey. Now then, laddie buck, what've y'got to say for y'self, eh? Speak up, sah!"

Glancing up at Bernard, Aubrey looked the picture of innocence. "I'm not sure I understand what this is all about sah."

At this the Major's face seemed to turn several shades of red. He puffed himself up, and narrowed his dark eyes. "Not sure y'understand? Of all the cheek, don't try to flannel y'way out of this one chap. This is a matter of importance, y'young rip. The entire reputation of the Long Patrol, has been tarnished by y'frivolous antics. Y'ought to be biffed from the jolly ole regiment for the rotten scheme y'pulled. "

The old Colonel raised a paw. "Steady on Major, no need to give y'self a headache. " He turned is attentions to the Lieutenant. "Now then, be a good chap and tell us exactly what happened. How was it that your southern patrol wound up at Redwall Abbey of all places?"

Outside the mess several hares had gathered to listen in on the proceedings. Captain Bloomberry one of the garrison officers, pressed an ear to the door. She held a paw to her lips whispering. "Quiet you lot, how's a bod supposed to hear what's going on with all that whispering." The other eavesdroppers quickly went quiet. It just so happened that Captain Tutsan was rounding the corner, on his way to the mess hall. He spied the collection of hares with ears pressed to the officer's mess door.

"I say, is this some sort of a silly game you duffers have made up?" He laughed lightly.

Shaking her head, with ear still pressed to the door, Bloomberry waved Tutsan closer. "Hardly, your brother is about to get a good dressing down from Major Bernie and the Colonel. I just heard Major Bernie mention tossing the blighter out of the regiment."

Tutsan was suddenly filled with worry for his younger brother. "Toss Aubrey out of the Long Patrol?" The thought was unimaginable. He knew his brother was always a bit of a trouble maker, but he had never pictured him being drummed out.

"Best hunker down and have a listen in wot. " Bloomberry moved aside to make a little room for Tutsan to join them.

Inside Aubrey fidgeted all the more in his chair. He could feel the stern eyes of the Major and the disappointed eyes of the Colonel on him. He took a deep breath and began explaining.

"Well sahs, I never intended to wind up at Redwall Abbey. It was a rather curious and complicated affair. I shall try m'best to relate the event to the both of you. Then you might understand how this misunderstanding came to be wot."

(The next chapter will be the tale that Aubrey tells)


	2. Chapter 2

The spring morning was fine and clear. Lieutenant Linwood and his patrol had made good time crossing the mountain range that separated their territory from the Western Plains and Mossflower woods. This was the first time young Aubrey Linwood had been entrusted with a patrol of his own. At last, there would be no tight collared Captains or stuffy Majors looking over his shoulder every moment. He was the lead officer on this mission, and was looking forward to many more. The assignment was a simple one; march his patrol into the southern woodlands, survey the area, than back to Salamandastron. While the young officer was ecstatic about finally having a patrol of his own, there was some hesitancy about this particular mission. Details, such as this one, were sometimes called Duffer Patrols, but never within earshot of the Colonel. There wasn't much adventure, or prestige, in surveying an area and returning home. It also tended to be a safer assignment, which lead to the Colonel assigning such tasks to those with less experience.

For this patrol, Aubrey had been assigned two hares to command. A fourth season cadet by the name of Wilbree Merriscutt, and a young galloper, another Merriscutt and Wilbree's cousin. This fellow was a cheerful little hare named Burtel. While the Lieutenant enjoyed the company of young Burtel, owing to the young buck's sense of adventure and curiosity, he and Wilbree didn't see eye to eye. It wasn't that Aubrey saw anything wrong with the cadet; on the contrary, he saw too much right with him. More than once the name of Wilbree had been mentioned when discussing young hares who saw promise to be officers. Major Mullin's saw particular promise in the young hare.

The three marched over the plains towards the woodlands. Wilbree with his tunic perfectly in order, Aubrey with the neck buttons and cuffs loosened. Young Burtel had scampered on ahead to scout for any signs of other creatures. Or so the young hare believed, truthfully Aubrey had sent him on ahead as the galloper was getting to be a bit too antsy. Sending him off for a quick run would burn off some of that extra energy

Wilbree took a bark paper map from his breast pocket. Studying it a moment he turned to the Lieutenant. "Sah, we should be arriving at the path shortly. We're making good time don't you think, wot?"

Aubrey nodded, glancing skyward he judged the time. "Should make plans for night fall camp."

The cadet followed his officer's glance skyward. "But sah, tis still morning. Don't you think it is a touch early to think about making camp?"

"Not at all young rip. Y'see Wilbree, I sense a storm coming on. When the wind kicks up a fuss, tis best to keep the bally ears safe an' dry wot. " The Lieutenant patted the cadet roughly on the shoulder.

"But Lieutenant, the sun is shining, birds are singing too. Sarn't says when birds are singing like this, is bound to be an absolute scorcher of a day. "

Rolling up his tunic sleeves and undoing another button, Aubrey was feeling the effects of the warm spring day. "Well these things can change jolly fast, best be prepared. "

Young Burtel came running up, meeting with the rest of his patrol. He excitedly saluted several times breathing hard as he caught his breath. "Found the path Lieutenant!" He squeaked joyously. He pointed with a paw in the direction, pleased as punch.

Aubrey knew where the path was, but he allowed the young galloper to take the glory of his achievement. "Well done young'un. "

The galloper beamed at the compliment. His little chest puffed up, and he marched with his head held high, in the most comedic of fashions. His older cousin, seemed less than amused. Pocketing the map, he kept in neat military step. Sighing, he tried not to become too frustrated, as both Aubrey and his cousin quickly fell out of step. He kept his eyes straight, gritting his teeth each time right paws came down when left paws should. The three hares moved with lolloping strides. The plains made for a far easier trek. Here the land was even, unlike the foothills surrounding the mountains. The ground was soft, but not so soft as to cause paws to sink or stumble. The soil was the ideal consistency to allow travelers to cover great distances without sore paws. The three hares took advantage of these natural benefits. The path was reached, with what Aubrey considered to be record time.

"Ah, here 'tis, the bally path that runs north and south. This should take is where we need to go in fine style eh, wot?" Wilbree, seemed to be in far finer spirits having reached the path.

Aubrey glanced along the path nodding slowly in approval. "Yes it should. Come along chaps." He preceded to head north, this puzzled Wilbree.

"But sah, shouldn't we be marching south?"

Continuing with lanky strides, Aubrey motioned for the pair to keep up with him. "South m'dear fella, of course we're marching south."

Wilbree shook his head, taking the map once more from his tunic. "Begging y'pardon sah, but I rather think we're marching north."

"Are you certain Wilbree." The hare's voice carried a distinctive doubtful tone.

"Quite certain sah. Y'can tell from the position of the blinking sun in the sky. Rises in the east and sets in the west." He motioned with his paw the arch the sun would travel. "See sah, we're bound north."

"Balderdash m'laddo." The officer gave the cadet a frosty glance. "I have patrolled from the time you were but a babe. I ought to know my flipping north from south." Pressing on, the cousins had no choice but to follow.

Wilbree unfolded his tattered old map again. "Sah, I really think we're headed in the wrong direction."

Scratching his chin the Lieutenant, peered over towards the map. "Hmm, perhaps y'right young thingamy. Let me see those scrawls a moment. " He held a paw out for the cadet's map.

Relieved, that his officer was at last heeding his observation, the map was passed over. All of the young cadets had been issued copies of maps, such as the one Wilbree held in his possession.

Aubrey examined the map closely. Young Burtel watching with youthful curiosity. The Lieutenant scratched an ear as he spun the map around.

" I rather think it goes the other way sah. " Wilbree muttered lowly.

Turning the map around again, and scratching his ear all the more he ignored the cadet's comments. Burtel being a young and impressionable creature, was starting to worry. "Sah, do you suppose we are lost?"

"Lost? How can we be blooming lost Burt, we're on the flippin' path!" Wilbree scoffed at his cousin's worry. Although, he regretted it quickly seeing the look of hurt on the young buck's face.

"Now then, young lad, never fret we're not lost with this map." As the Lieutenant spoke the words, the map seemed to float, or perhaps be tossed from his paws. It landed in the ditch lining the path. Muddy water streamed through the ditch, creating sludge of brown and green. The map landed in the mire, and the thin barkcloth paper absorbed the liquid quickly. In a matter of seconds the map was rendered unreadable.

Wilbree gaped in disbelief, Burtel began to show more worry, and yes Aubrey seemed as content as ever.

"Well Burtel, looks like we're good and lost now." Aubrey patted the young galloper shoulder. "No need for panic, we're the jolly ole Long Patrol after all. Can't let a little thing like being lost bother us, wot. Galloper, run on ahead, see if you can't get a better lay of the land. Look for any friendly creatures that may be able to help us sort this mess out. We'll follow after. Nip on young'un that's an order."

Saluting smartly Burtel ran up ahead, following the path north. Wilbree was growing more and more frustrated with his officers orders.

"Sah, I really must insist we turn about. We're supposed to be marching south, and it is blooming obvious we're not. "The young cadet was struggling to keep his voice sounding polite.

Rounding on the cadet the Lieutenants face held, what he thought to be a stern gaze. "I assure you laddie buck I am following protocol to the letter. When lost it is an officer's duty to find safe shelter for his patrol, even if it means jolly well steering off course a ways. "

The ears of the cadet lowered, embarrassed for receiving his officers reprimand. "Yes Sah, understood sah." He spoke softly.

Ruffling the hare's ears, Aubrey tried to cheer him up. "There, there, bucko, let's see one of those Merriscutt smiles eh." Patting him heartily on the back they continued marching along the path.

It wasn't long before Burtel returned. The young galloper was paw in paw with a young mole maid. The sable furred creature wore a mob cap and a blue dress embroidered with cornflowers. The dress appeared to have been cut down, likely a hand-me-down from an older sibling or even her mother. Ever a polite creature the mole maid tugged her snout with her digging claws.

"I found this maid traveling along the path, her name is Muria." Burtel released the maids paw, ginning, most pleased with himself.

"Good day to ee zurrs." Her small eyes twinkled charmingly.

Aubrey made an elegant leg before the maiden, taking her paw and planting a kiss upon her digging claws. "And good day to you miss mole."

"Burrel ,says ee be losted. Oi'll 'elp ee foind ee way burr oi. Up ee road is Redwall H'abbey. Today be ur gurt big feast fer moi uncle, ee named Foremole. Follow oi zurr 'ares, oi'll see ye gets some Redwall vittles."

The maid's words were well received by the hares, after all who would turn down the opportunity to attend one of the fabled feasts of Redwall. Burtel was shivering with excitement.

"Do we really get to go sah?" He squeaked.

"Of course, m'dear fellow. Would be rude not to go. Especially after an invitation from such a charming mole maid. T'would be against regulations t'ignore the opportunity to act as representatives for our mountain. "

Cadet Wilbree still had his doubts about the whole thing; their standing orders were to march south. Redwall Abbey was most certainly not in the south. He held his tongue, not wanting to question his officer any further. The young cadet was still learning all the rules and regulations of his regiment, and it appeared that the Lieutenant was right. They couldn't turn down such an invitation.

With Muria in the lead, the hares found the gate house doors to be open. Many woodlanders were pouring into the abbey. The Matthias and Methuselah bells tolled out a welcome to all creatures to come into the abbey for a celebration. Abbot Weth a field mouse, stood inside the grounds personally welcoming all visitors to his abbey. The Abbot smiled as the three patrol hares saluted him. When they had finished he shook each of their paws warmly.

"Always good to see friends from Salamandastron. Although I fear our dear Friar may be feeling a little overwhelmed. I wonder, are there any more Long Patrol hares attending?"

"Any more Father?" Wilbree questioned his ears quirking in his puzzlement.

Before the Abbot could provide any further explanation a booming voice shouted. "Linwood, is that you old thing?"

Aubrey turned on his paws. Behind him stood the tall figure of Captain Brandybuck. Considered by all the haremaids to be the handsomest hare that ever lived, a sentiment the Captain also shared. He was wearing his full dress uniform. A bright scarlet tunic with rows of highly polished medals and ribbons. The Lieutenant offered up a hasty salute to the Captain. "Cap'n Brandybuck, didn't expect to see you here."

"Didn't expect…" The Captain turned and waved over hares, Aubrey felt his stomach turn. "My patrol was posted to the Abbey for the rest of the spring. On the offer of Abbot Werth himself."

"Oh, I hadn't known Sah."

"Had you paid attention during the jolly briefings you might 'ave." Chimed in a smaller stout hare by name of Corporal Digworthy. He was known for his quick temper, and his dislike for Aubrey. "What are y'doing this way any way, Lieutenant Linwood? I thought you landed the duffers patrol ,wot. South heading wasn't it?"

"Err, well, y'see chaps…" Aubrey scrambled to come up with a reasonable explanation.

Young Burtel chimed in, with the innocence of a young galloper. "We got lost sahs. Then, we ran into a young mole maid, and Lieutenant said t'would be against the blinking regulations not to accept her invitation here."

"Did he now?" Digworthy cast a dark look up towards Aubrey.

Trying to avoid the glance Aubrey looked over the abbey grounds. Off towards the kitchen entrance, he saw two hares engaged in some sort of argument. One a large sandy fellow, pushed a heavy apple cart. While the other, a lithe looking black hare, hopped about fuming over something.

"I say, is that Sergeant Pangil trying to pick a fight with big Lumpy McGillifry? Oh my giddy aunt, seems the young's chaps got quite a few bees in his blooming bonnet."

The Captain's attention turned to the argument. He sighed heavily."Dash it, Colonel Hardan made me bring the blighters along. That Sergeant and his two yahoos are minding the northern post. Colonel thought they ought to 'ave a little hospitality before making the journey up there. Trouble is the three of them are entirely uncivilized, can't take them anywhere, wot. "

Pleased the attention was no longer on him, the Lieutenant shook his head sadly. " Terrible that, my, my, seems the chap is getting quite worked up. Do you hear that language, not the sort of thing the young abbey folk ought to be hearing. Perhaps you ought to break it up Cap'n."

Fixing his tunic Brandybuck turned to deal with the situation. " No doubt about that blooming apple again. I'm so blinking tired of hearing about this apple business."

Having told his story Aubrey cleared his throat, and watched both the Colonel and the Major.

"That is really all there is to it Sahs." He spoke softly.

"Let me see if I understand you correctly, laddie buck, you deceived your patrol into believing they were lost, then proceeded onto Redwall Abbey. Absolute outrage sah. Shameful, abso-bally-lutely shameful." Major Mullins stomped his paw several times for emphasis. "Colonel, this wretch ought to be stripped of his rank at once."

The old Colonel however, was as calm and composed as ever. "Steady on Major. No need for that. Young Aubrey, may have much to learn about being an officer in the Long Patrol, but he is still a good hare. It would have been most rude of him, to refuse an invitation from a pretty mole maid. " When the Major wasn't looking, Hardan passed a wink to the Lieutenant. " I also understand from Abbot Werth, that while three patrols attended the feast , all were well received by every beast. However, he did mention some of the dormitory keepers wished that you, and that Pangil chap, hadn't taught the little 'uns all those blinking drinking songs. Seems t young rips have taken to adding rowdier verses, and stay up late singing, wot. "

"Sah, surely you don't mean to let the wretch get away with this?" The Major stepped in, prodding Aubrey's shoulder with a pace stick. Aubrey rubbed his shoulder ruefully, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"No, I suppose I can't let this defiance of orders go. " As the Colonel spoke Aubrey's ears drooped.

Outside those listening in held their breath. Tutsan fidgeted, worried about his younger brother. There was no doubt the hare deserved whatever he got, but the thought of his brother being sent away, or even demoted would crush him.

"Y'can perk up old chap, no beast is about to have you taken out an' shot. Nor, will I see you drummed out of the patrol. Major I think stripping this young officer of his rank may be a bit extreme. However, don't think y'will get away with this lightly bucko. I won't have you leading any more patrols, until you can prove t'me you're bally well ready. Considering how quickly you became lost, it only seems fit you stay close to the mountain a few seasons. Until you get a better lay of the land wot. T'will let us keep a better eye on ye."

Hearing the punishment Aubrey nodded. "Understood sah."

"Very well then young Linwood, dismissed. Tell the chaps and chapesses listening at the door they all have duties to attend to. Quick as y'like now laddie buck." The Colonel chuckled as Aubrey sprang to his paws saluting several times, and marched from the mess.

"You're too soft on them Colonel."

"Soft, perish the thought Major. He's a good chap, t'would be a shame t' loose a fella like him. Besides He'll learn his lesson soon enough. I'll have him training recruits, and running guard details on shore. A season surrounded by green leverets will teach him to follow orders, wot wot. Besides, don't tell me you would pass up a trip to Redwall if the opportunity presented itself. I know I jolly well wouldn't. " The old colonel smiled then settled into his armchair for the afternoon nap.


End file.
